When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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