I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
