best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
