She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
