I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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