I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
