absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
