In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
