How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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