I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
