Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
