Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
