Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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