Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
