Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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