the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
