Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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