You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I need to align my fucking chakras
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
