You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
