The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
