So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
