Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
