When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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