Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
