I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
