Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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