Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
