I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
