Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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