guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
