theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
