I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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