they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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