We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
