i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
