I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
