So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
home. puking in laundry basket.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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