I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize