its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
