Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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