he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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