Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
