I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
