when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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