i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
