Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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