Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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