If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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