Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
