You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize