12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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