This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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