I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
