Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
