saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
