How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
