Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
