My sheets look like a crime scene.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
