Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
