Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
