shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
