if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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