i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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