What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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