so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
