dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize