sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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