i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
