Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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