I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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