walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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