i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
