I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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