i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
