i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
