please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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