Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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